So I think Melbourne needs taking down a peg or two. Bad things that happened to me there:

1. I thought the Scenic Railway at Luna Park really was a scenic railway and so I took my then little girl on it. Not only were we both severely traumatised but because she was so small she smashed her head on the carriage bar and we got sent to the first aid tent where we got given an icey pole

2. I got kidnapped on Lygon St, dragged into a restaurant, and was forced to eat pasta when all I wanted was a Turkish pide

3. Um… My Melburnian cousins made me eat my best friend’s eye

[ruffle is the collective noun for zombies]

“Have you ever seen a single person going into that factory? Or coming out of it?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A10PvpbPJZw

I got this because I enjoyed The Road, also by Cormac McCarthy. I must say I’m not a Cowboy and Western kind of gal and the people in this book really do say things like ‘hell, fire, and damnation’, ‘I aint never’, ‘bud’, and ‘I done been’. But wouldn’t ya’ll know it, by the end of this here book, I was jes ’bout fixin’ to put them spurs on meself

During the first 30 pages of this book I was at times confused and even bored but when John Grady Cole and his friend Rawlins finally get started on their journey from Texas to Mexico, things started to get much more interesting. There is something basic and gripping about the theme of survival and McCarthy knows so well how to tap it

McCarthy’s language is shining, simple, and effortless. He is so in charge of what he’s doing that he doesn’t particularly care if a sentence contains eleven ‘ands’ because it feels right that way and so that’s how it’s going to be. Here are some beautifully turned sentences, picked at random:

They were attended by a pack of greyhound dogs and the dogs were lean and silver in colour and they flowed among the legs of the horses silent and fluid as running mercury and the horses paid them no mind at all. (p97-98)

The wild and frantic band of mustangs that had circled the potrero that morning like marbles swirled in a jar could hardly be said to exist and the animals whinnied to one another in the dark and answered back as if some one among their number were missing, or some thing. (p107)

In the sepia monochrome of a rainy day in that lost village they’d grown old instantly. (p284)

I’m definitely up for the next one in this trilogy

PS. It also helps if you either watch Dora the Explorer or, like me, you have a resident Spaniard to translate the small chunks of conversation that are in Spanish in this book

I heard One Crowded Hour by Augie March for the first time 21 April 2006. One of the cats had woken me up early and I think I was feeling a bit hung-over and too sick to go back to sleep. I remember I was sitting on the floor of the lounge room about three feet from the television with Rage on, but not really listening, until my attention was snagged by the song. It was like a switch had been thrown in my head.

I have always been relatively timid. I didn’t move out of home until I was 28 years old. I’ve never particularly followed a band before or gone out of my way to get albums or had any urge to see a band play live because I hate crowds.

At the ripe old age of 34 I’d never travelled on holidays on my own, or gone away on a trip that did not involve visiting family. Suddenly I was flying from Perth to Sydney to Melbourne to Brisbane and coach rides through flood waters to the Gympie Muster - just to see a band. I yell out things from the audience. I posted them underwear when I wasn’t going to make it to their Christmas Show (I thought it would be funny - I keep trying to convince new fans that they like stuffed toys and flowers, but nobody falls for it).

Because of this song I have:

1. Braved the internet.
2. I had one friend and now I have many.
3. I had not written anything for pleasure since I was 12. Now I blog
compulsively and write little stories and silly poems that make me and other people laugh.
4. I have done things and gone places I have always been too scared to do before.
5. I don’t feel quite as much as a freak as I used to.

(P.S. it was clean underwear - bought specially for the occasion)

Sorry this video has been disabled by request (gosh that is SOOOO annoying) so you will have to click on this link to see it

I also had one of these annoying things, Simon Says, where you have to remember the various patterns of musical notes and coloured lights. It gets faster and faster until your brain explodes

During our town’s annual festival, cap guns and torpedoes were popular. The fun only lasted as long as your supply of caps

Archie comics. The best part about these comics were the advertisements for exotic novelties from the US like Sea Monkeys and spy cameras

Battle of the Planets was my favourite cartoon show, probably followed by Astroboy

Doctor Who. I remember trying to recreate the tardis with friends, using a removal box and blue crepe paper. There was always a fight over who was going to wear the long knitted scarf

Young Talent Time (similar to the Mickey Mouse Club). I was utterly convinced that I was going to audition for this show one day. And then while i’m away, I’ll write home ev’ry day…

A Country Practice, a soap opera/drama series that ran from 1981 to 1993, and also resurrected for 30 episodes in 1994. Who can remember when poor Molly Jones died?

Music I remember from this era: George Michael, Belinda Carlisle, Fine Young Cannibals, Martika, The Bangles, B52s, and during junior High School I had a thing for…

I’m not sure how much pocket money I used to get but I know that every fortnight I could afford to buy a Chalet School book

Novelty earrings. I had dice ones and red zip ones

Scratch ‘N Sniff Stickers. I remember marshmallow and peanuts. The peanut one would probably kill half the class these days

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they expanded on this concept? What if they replaced everything in vending machines with poems? And they didn’t tell people? And people put their coins in and went to reach for their Ninja keyring or hot coffee or Kit Kat or emergency tampon and instead out popped a poem, wouldn’t that just make people really happy and grateful? It almost brings a joyful little Utopian tear to my eye

‘For more than a century, Coronas has overcome all adversity like an incident in 1939 when a deflected bomb exploded in our winery’s main vat causing its complete destruction. However, Coronas has always been and continues to be a silent witness to history.’

Pip

I’m Pip. I’m poor.

(Lots of THINGS happen.)

Pip

My life didn’t matter, because I’m still poor and alone.

THE END

So this story is, as the title suggests, about a knight who doesn’t exist, by the name of Agilulf. I really sympathised with this character, although technically he didn’t exist, and I felt quite upset when he who did not exist ceased to not exist

‘Maybe too there came a point when this diluted will and consciousness of self was condensed, turned to sediment, as imperceptible watery particles condense into banks or clouds; and then maybe this sediment merged, by chance or instinct, with some name or family or military rank or duties or regulations particularly in empty armour, for in times when armour was necessary even for a man who existed, how much more was it for one who didn’t…’ (Calvino)

This is a wonderfully funny story and I still can’t shake the image of Agilulf in his pristine white armour, sitting at the paladins’ banquet, unable to eat or drink, but occupying himself by busily pouring wine from one goblet to the other and building perfect pyramids out of bread crumbs. And who can forget she of ‘harmonious moons, tender plumage, gentle flow’? Certainly not Raimbaud