I first learnt to make cheese sauce as an au pair for a titled lady in London. At the same time I also learnt what fish knives and forks are [*serve fish dinner* lady: where are the fish knives and forks? me: next to your plate, lady: they’re not fish knives and forks! *calamity* ] and how to clean a toilet bowl
I put a few tablespoons of plain flour in a saucepan and heat it with some butter then mix in some milk and get rid of the lumps. Then I put in more milk and lots of grated cheese and stir… and stir. It takes about 15 minutes to make real cheese sauce
So the other week I had this epiphany: instant cheese sauce!
I can buy it at the supermarket. I can just empty the sachet into a jug and put hot water in there and mix it with a fork. It’s so easy! It takes five seconds! I bought half a dozen sachets. It WAS easy. It WAS quick
Only it looked and smelled like the liquid that came out of my dog’s anal sac at the vets and it tasted completely wrong. It was so wrong. It was just wrong okay, really really wrong
9 responses so far ↓
1 Maddy // Aug 28, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Is this going to be an ongoing interest?
I’ve heard of cheese whizz - squirts from a container like fake whipped cream.
I think that is american.
I may be wrong but I think I thought I saw an advert on telly the other night for a pourable cheese in a jar - suggested as good for nachos.
Looked nasty.
2 squib // Aug 28, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Spray on cheese
Yes and there’s also cheese string in that movie about two guys trying to catch an evil mouse… Mousehunt
3 lill // Aug 28, 2008 at 11:05 pm
oh I remember cheese in a tube, like toothpaste, in england. ick!
I make my own cheese sauce too, my daughter will tell you not often enough. at least I know what went into it - who knows what is in those sachets?
4 squib // Aug 29, 2008 at 10:07 am
I’m pretty sure there’s no cheese in there Lill
5 warthog // Aug 29, 2008 at 11:40 am
“it looked and smelled like the liquid that came out of my dog’s anal sac”
Gosh, Poetess Squib, you have such a way with words.
I bought a tube of that Kraft squirty cheese in a tube. I thought it might come in handy for something and it did. The something was my mouth. I squirted the entire contents into my gob one mad, drunken evening.
Almost better than s*x, from what I remember.
6 squib // Aug 29, 2008 at 11:52 am
OMG that is sooooooooooooooo disgusting!!
A friend of mine used to eat condensed milk straight from the tube
7 Maddy // Aug 29, 2008 at 12:00 pm
I thought everybody ate condensed milk straight from the tube?!
Gosh I remember when we didn’t even HAVE tubes and I’d have to eat it from the can with a spoon and it would always drip down the side and I’d have to take breaks because it was so sweet, that after a while it made you sick, but then one couldn’t stop cause it was so yummy.
8 squib // Aug 29, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Well I admit that if we had Ice Magic in the house I used to put dollops of it on the bottom of the freezer compartment and then scrape them off and eat them
9 warthog // Aug 29, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Oh yes. Condensed milk.
If you got a really HUGE tin. So big that you couldn’t get through it all before you threw up, it got this luvvly yellow crunchy crust on it, which was even nicer.
Bit like that scrummy skin you get on a rice pudding
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