Oh Melbourne, it’s so artsy and so groovy and the people are so friendly and so different to the people in Perth in a really good way and people read books really they read books and they have ruffles of zombies walking the streets with fake blood and suchlike and they have lovely cake shops and a really vibrant arts scene and the tramy wamies are so cutesy wutesy…
So I think Melbourne needs taking down a peg or two. Bad things that happened to me there:
1. I thought the Scenic Railway at Luna Park really was a scenic railway and so I took my then little girl on it. Not only were we both severely traumatised but because she was so small she smashed her head on the carriage bar and we got sent to the first aid tent where we got given an icey pole
2. I got kidnapped on Lygon St, dragged into a restaurant, and was forced to eat pasta when all I wanted was a Turkish pide
3. Um… My Melburnian cousins made me eat my best friend’s eye
[ruffle is the collective noun for zombies]
“Have you ever seen a single person going into that factory? Or coming out of it?”
18 responses so far ↓
1 PrimroseRoad // Jul 21, 2008 at 12:37 pm
We are definitely not going to Melbourne when we do our Australia-in-December trip someday (perhaps in December 3008). I find the scenic railroad that eats people and the stuffed animal cannibalism unsettling, and SigOther is *extremely* disturbed by the concept of being forced to eat pasta. He may have nightmares …
2 squib // Jul 21, 2008 at 2:30 pm
And very wise too PR
3 MrSquib // Jul 21, 2008 at 6:42 pm
I luv Melbourne - reminded me of Manchester which also has trams and is always grey and miserable
4 Perseus // Jul 21, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Luna Park = Tourist destination.
Lygon Street = Tourist destination.
We don’t actually go there, unless it’s to the Nova cinema on Lygon Street, stopping in at Readings before or after a movie.
Judging Melbourne on those two places is like me judging Perth on Northwhatzitsface Road. Northbridge? I went there. It was AWFUL. Fremantle was okay though. I like cobblestone streets, and I was very happy to see that you lot now have ‘the internet’. Good on you, and welcome to the 21st century.
Now stop wearing all those pansy coloured clothes, get a live original rock music scene, a stack of theatres and galleries and coffee shops that actually understand what contitutes a good coffee, get rid of your rather large amount of rednecks (1998 election: One Nation Party - Perth gave them 8.7%, Melbourne gave them 0.5%) , learn to embrace your inner goth and feel comfortable with reading miserable European literature on public transport, get rid of your fake tans (and your real ones) then get a football team that can be competitive and then and only then can you start to compare yourselves to Melbourne.
Good day sir.
5 lill // Jul 21, 2008 at 10:11 pm
I’ve never been to Perth. And I love Melbourne. Really love Melbourne. Especially the trams and pubs and book shops.
But not Luna Park or Lygon Street.
6 squib // Jul 22, 2008 at 9:52 am
1998? pfffft That was a decade ago. Well I’m not going to defend Perth cos I don’t live there and I only go there reluctantly
I think our music scene is very healthy though, considering our population
I admit I was scraping the bottom of the barrel just a bit. Most of my memories are mostly good ones, especially of Apollo Bay and Castlemaine
7 MrSquib // Jul 22, 2008 at 9:59 am
…..and the trams
8 squib // Jul 22, 2008 at 10:03 am
… yes, dodging the trams
9 Ben // Jul 22, 2008 at 12:22 pm
One of the best things about Melbourne is that it’s sort of almost OK when you get used to it.
Of course, not everything’s as wonderful as that makes it sound.
10 squib // Jul 22, 2008 at 12:46 pm
And if that’s not a resounding endorsement I don’t know what is
11 Matilda // Jul 23, 2008 at 3:50 pm
I’ve never heard that Melbourne is so great - I guess news doesn’t travel this far.
Ever since those Olympics its all about Sydney and the Opera House (I watched a lot of sports coverage).
I have a great friend in Queensland, so that’ll be my starting point when I eventually visit Australia (hopefully before 3008). I shall endeavour to visit all the great cities and wonderful little towns and not ask stupid questions like “Is it possible to do a day trip to Perth from Melbourne?” (I hate it when relatives in England ask if we can do a quick trip to Vancouver on their visit to us in Toronto and I have to tell them Toronto is closer to England than it is to Vancouver).
12 squib // Jul 23, 2008 at 4:48 pm
*sniff*
I would have thought Fremantle would be the starting point
13 Matilda // Jul 24, 2008 at 3:36 pm
I figure on finishing up my journey in Fremantle.
14 Perseus // Jul 25, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Matilda.
As a microcosm,
Melbourne = New York
Sydney = Los Angeles
Perth = Dallas
15 squib // Jul 25, 2008 at 1:13 pm
ouch!
16 Perseus // Jul 25, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Well, Perth was built on the riches made from farming and mining, like Dallas.
Adelaide is Seattle.
Brisbane is Miami.
Hobart is Nantucket.
Alice Springs is Alice Springs.
17 MrSquib // Jul 25, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Fremantle = (very) mini Amsterdam
18 molodec // Sep 3, 2008 at 2:59 am
LOL@alicesprings es alicesprings jajajajaja
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