A declaration of reasonable doubt was unveiled at the Minerva Theatre in Chichester, West Sussex, on September 9th, in which the Shakespeare Authorship Coalition stated that the bard’s plays, with their expertise on law, ancient and modern history and mathematics, could not have been penned by a 16th century pleb who grew up in an illiterate household in Stratford-upon-Avon. There appear to be no records that one William Shakespeare received payment or had patronage for writing. All documents relating to Shakespeare are non-literary.
Also suspicious is the fact that in his will, in which he left his wife his “second best bed with the furniture”, there is no mention of books, plays, or poems. The will was written in a commonplace manner and no writer worth their salt is going to miss giving their last will and testament that extra bit of *pizazz. Especially not the Bard. So the theory goes.
So who is the real Bard? Christopher Marlowe? Francis Bacon? Elizabethan nobleman Edward de Vere?
In my view, the Bard could only be an alien. Just as ordinary people could not have built the great pyramids in Ancient Egypt, no one human could have written so much, so brilliantly, in one lifetime. If you study his plays very closely you will find that the first letter of every second act, when put together in a string, spells out the famous rare earth equation, which the Bard could not possibly have known about in Elizabethan times. It also seems to be the most tangible clue yet that the Bard came from an earth-like planet somewhere in our universe
You heard it first at poetsquib.com
*although I do think leaving your wife your ’second-best bed’ is kind of witty
6 responses so far ↓
1 rocafuentes // Sep 13, 2007 at 5:21 am
I recently saw Shakespeare on Dr Who - he didn’t seem very alien like to me and had all the usual human attributes.
He could have been in disguise mind
2 warthog // Sep 13, 2007 at 5:23 am
Winston S Churchill was an Alien 2.
They created him to be a top notch statesman because they were watching Earth from Venus and realised that the British Empire was the greatest thing that Earthings had ever created and it was in mortal danger of being germanified by the early 26th c [Venusian time]…1945 here. They weren’t especially anti-German but laughed at the naive technology deployed in their sky rockets. “They call that a guidance system!”, one of the Venusians would laugh out from the “Spirit of Venus” flying saucer’s observation deck which was invisible to earthlings but was busy, secretly observing WWII., “Pick me up off the floor!!”
Anyway, they knocked around with their cyborgic-bio-technology and created their first Earth being copy. It wasn’t a bad try but the computer programme wasn’t perfectly written and Winston S Churchill was created with the body of a mature male earthling but the head of a baby.
The Venusians laughed at this prototype and were about to reject it but decided that it looked so stupid that it was almost likeable. “Anyway, not many earthlings are oil paintings and most British politicians look positively weird!”, wryly observed the Chief Scientific Officer of the “Spirit of Venus”
So he was teleported down and immediately started giving people the “V”s
V for Venus..of course.
3 squib // Sep 13, 2007 at 5:25 am
GROAN!!
(I think my Bard theory was marginally more plausible than that…I think you became less than convincing when you said the aliens ‘realised that the British Empire was the greatest thing that Earthings had ever created’ ahem)
4 warthog // Sep 13, 2007 at 5:25 am
They dont call me “Mr Irony” for nothing.
Come to think of it, they dont call me
5 Therese Edmonds // Sep 17, 2007 at 8:45 am
It’s a no brainer. Shakespeare was from the planet Zany (a word incorrectly credited on Earth as being an invention of his). Beings from that entire galaxy all take their first-best beds with them when they die.
6 squib // Sep 17, 2007 at 11:46 pm
lol
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